I Stand Before You Wonderfully High

Speech by an Honest Party Congressional candidate, 2016 election

As a member in good standing of the Honest Party, I must inform you that I really like cannabis. That is material in your judgment of whether or not to vote for me, and so of course I tell you.

I don’t want to bore you with my minor medical problems, but there are times when I need to vape a lot of hash oil to make it through the day. Without it, I am an irritable bastard and accomplish little.  Cannabis affects my memory recall, which is bad to begin with, and screws up my coordination, otherwise doesn’t seem to have much effect. I can carry on complex conversations, sequences of events, etc. When I was a programmer, I wrote a lot of complex code under the influence, it worked.

In fact, most people can’t tell whether I am using it or not, as I am a long-term, high-dose user of cannabis.

I got to this position in that condition, didn’t make any secret of it. So that is one objective measure that it doesn’t affect my performance too badly. Although some would say I have not ascended into politics..

I drink a lot of coffee. I do not drink alcohol or use tobacco, do use ibuprofin occasionally, a stronger pain killer very occasionally. I liked LSD, haven’t used that in 25 years. I tried cocaine 20 years ago, it didn’t do anything for me. I liked Ecstacy, but not enough to keep doing it after trying it a few times 20 years ago. And, except for occasional recreation, I don’t use cannabis unless I need it for pain, sometimes weeks go by without me even thinking about it.

So that is the state of me and my mind, and you need to evaluate my candidacy knowing that.  But please do so in the full context that anyone you vote for will very likely be the kind of person who uses a drug.  People do, people in stressful jobs do, I do, they do.

Your representatives are going to be on something at least part of their life, and the job of a Congressman is 16×7, so some of their work will be in a modified state. The question for you is “what do you think is the best drug for a politician?”.

Rational voters support cannabis users because potsmokers are far less likely to be crazy or act crazy than politicians who use alcohol, meth, cocaine, crack, heroin, oxycodone, … Humans have co-evolved over many millennia with cannabis, we are quite used to each other.

That is not just my opinion, there is a ton of medical evidence, and every cop will confirm it. Policing costs go down when cannabis is legalized. Overdose deaths from pain killers go down when cannabis is legalized.  People very rarely show up in emergency rooms with cannabis overdoses. Drivers on cannabis tend to be very cautious.

And, I claim, if you fill your Congress with potheads, the costs of your government will go down also. We are far less likely to pursue stupid conflicts, aggressive policies, laws merely to make laws.

And especially not ‘feel good’ laws. We already feel good.

Be conservative, vote for the user of the traditional drug.

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